I am angry with myself. I let things affect me so severely that I can’t seem to shake them. I let them take over to the point where I can’t even seem to accomplish anything. This deeply angers me to my core. Why let it bother me? Because I am letting whatever this feeling is, WIN. It’s why I never seem to finish anything. I quit everything. Soccer, swimming, running, art, the list goes on. I even stopped painting. In fact, the first thing I ever actually finished in my short life was flight attendant training. Self-sabotage is what they call it. However, I don’t like to give such things a name because I believe that it then gains the power it requires to affect your life. So when it seems like nothing has happened, that’s because NOTHING IS HAPPENING. But why is nothing happening? Because YOU are not letting anything happen.
In this case, I am currently not allowing anything to happen. I know the person that I am and I know the thoughts and the aspirations I hold for my life. Yet every month seems to play like clockwork where I have an “off day” and eventually have to piece myself back together in order to properly function. It’s funny because, in my head, I know what I feel is not logical. Sometimes your heart needs a little more time to accept what your mind already knows. What can I say? It always seems to rain the hardest on the people who need the sun.
I feel that most people self-sabotage when they are on the brink of greatness. So much has been happening and yet there is still so much that is not happening. I am constantly stranded at a crossroads debating which path is the right path to choose for whatever happens next. The frequent excuse of “I don’t know what to say, I have Writer’s Block” is so overused it sickens me. Knock it off, already! You can’t continue to make excuses for things that can easily be changed. It’s exhausting, and no one wants nor has time to hear them.
I know that this is more of a self-proclaimed mantra than a blog post and I do apologize for that. But every now and then, you just have to let out all of the things that you are feeling and set them free. Pray as often as you can, something I need to work on myself. If you don’t believe God is hearing you, start off by simply engaging into a conversation with yourself. It may seem completely absurd at first, but you’ll get the hang of it. I spent years feeling as if I was doing nothing more than unleashing my rage and sending it into the sky. He hears you, even when you feel you are most alone. He is and will always be there when no one else is. Hold onto that truth and allow it to carry you through.
If you are not passionate about what you’re currently doing, do something else! This world would not be anything without the passion that thrives in each and every one of us. Have as much hope in your heart as is possible to be contained! “A man begins to die when he ceases to expect anything from tomorrow.” Hope is the remainder of light when everything around you has been swallowed up by the darkness. Continue to have hope for the future, it’s healthy. You know what else is healthy? Smiling.
Smile at least once every day. I don’t care if you have to fake it, but you better smile. Did you know that the simple act of smiling not only boosts your mood but your immune system too? Or that smiles don’t create wrinkles? I bet you want to smile now! Don’t hold onto things you cannot change. Let them go! I’ve spent agonizing hour after hour trying to rack my brain around the inevitable truth that I wasn’t going to be able to change certain things. They are out of my control. Some things may never change. You are eventually going to have to accept that truth and move forward. Stop focusing on the things you still don’t have. The moment you start focusing on God and enriching your life is when all those things will suddenly appear.